ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
