trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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