if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
