Im at strip club and am horny
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
