Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
