Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
