i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize