ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry about my life...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
