burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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