this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
