i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
