best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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