I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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