is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
