you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
