And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
