i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize