Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
