I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize