he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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