Screwed.edu
Someone shit on the floor
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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