dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
