my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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