just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
