I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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