wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
