his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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