Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize