Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
