The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
