It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
