I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
