We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
