she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize