i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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