Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
