I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
