So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
