he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
