My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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