Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you would pick up someone in the library
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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