Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
