She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
