YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
