bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
