Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
