why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
