i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
