FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize