the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
