So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hippo gnu deer
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize