I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
