Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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