well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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