dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
