i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
NoShamevember. You game?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
