i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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