i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
