The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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