I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
