You really coming over, don't trick.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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