Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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