I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
