Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
