My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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