Need sex. Gaining weight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
