I want to stick my p in your. b.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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