dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
