The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
