At least make sure they are 18
Why
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
