If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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