The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
