He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
