what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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