I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
