i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
