She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
