I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
