Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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