so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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