we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
