woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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